What a difference a few days make, huh? I finished putting all of the final touches on my papers last night and tonight has been stress-free and WONDERFUL. I am going to enjoy the next two weeks off like never before. Everything really does taste sweeter when you've worked hard for it.

After tomorrow, I will officially be 1/4 of the way done with Grad School. 1/4 may not sound like much, but it is. 1/4 of the way done is proof that I can DO this. I can research for days and write papers for months and study for tests while having an internship. I can learn and absorb and expand and be humbled... all in the span of one day. I can love my God and be thankful for the path He is creating for me in this profession. I can be thankful and rejoice that the semester is over!

And... I can see friends and family for the first time in a few weeks, now that I am done acting like a hibernating bear. Well, I can see them after my job interview on Friday. Part of me really hopes this job works out, and another part of me wonders how in the heck I'll survive the rest of grad school with a job.

Hmmm, what do you think God?

Love my life. Love my cohort. Love my family. Love my friends. Love the holidays!

Shane Claiborne is AWESOME.

To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing, and used-to-be-believing friends:

I feel like I should begin with a confession. I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to God has been Christians. Christians who have had so much to say with our mouths and so little to show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.

Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing things we have done in the name of God.

The other night I headed into downtown Philly for a stroll with some friends from out of town. We walked down to Penn's Landing along the river, where there are street performers, artists, musicians. We passed a great magician who did some pretty sweet tricks like pour change out of his iPhone, and then there was a preacher. He wasn't quite as captivating as the magician. He stood on a box, yelling into a microphone, and beside him was a coffin with a fake dead body inside. He talked about how we are all going to die and go to hell if we don't know Jesus.

Some folks snickered. Some told him to shut the hell up. A couple of teenagers tried to steal the dead body in the coffin. All I could do was think to myself, I want to jump up on a box beside him and yell at the top of my lungs, "God is not a monster." Maybe next time I will.

The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus, the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads best not through force but through fascination. But over the past few decades our Christianity, at least here in the United States, has become less and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less and less like Jesus.

At one point Gandhi was asked if he was a Christian, and he said, essentially, "I sure love Jesus, but the Christians seem so unlike their Christ." A recent study showed that the top three perceptions of Christians in the U. S. among young non-Christians are that Christians are 1) antigay, 2) judgmental, and 3) hypocritical. So what we have here is a bit of an image crisis, and much of that reputation is well deserved. That's the ugly stuff. And that's why I begin by saying that I'm sorry.

Now for the good news.

I want to invite you to consider that maybe the televangelists and street preachers are wrong — and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it's that you can have great answers and still be mean... and that just as important as being right is being nice.)

The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus to condemn the world but to save it... it was because "God so loved the world." That is the God I know, and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or because I wanted crowns in heaven... but because he is good. For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey, I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians. We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name. At the core of our "Gospel" is the message that Jesus came "not [for] the healthy... but the sick." And if you choose Jesus, may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for mansions in heaven.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife, but too often all the church has done is promise the world that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about bringing God's Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." On earth.

One of Jesus' most scandalous stories is the story of the Good Samaritan. As sentimental as we may have made it, the original story was about a man who gets beat up and left on the side of the road. A priest passes by. A Levite, the quintessential religious guy, also passes by on the other side (perhaps late for a meeting at church). And then comes the Samaritan... you can almost imagine a snicker in the Jewish crowd. Jews did not talk to Samaritans, or even walk through Samaria. But the Samaritan stops and takes care of the guy in the ditch and is lifted up as the hero of the story. I'm sure some of the listeners were ticked. According to the religious elite, Samaritans did not keep the right rules, and they did not have sound doctrine... but Jesus shows that true faith has to work itself out in a way that is Good News to the most bruised and broken person lying in the ditch.

It is so simple, but the pious forget this lesson constantly. God may indeed be evident in a priest, but God is just as likely to be at work through a Samaritan or a prostitute. In fact the Scripture is brimful of God using folks like a lying prostitute named Rahab, an adulterous king named David... at one point God even speaks to a guy named Balaam through his donkey. Some say God spoke to Balaam through his ass and has been speaking through asses ever since. So if God should choose to use us, then we should be grateful but not think too highly of ourselves. And if upon meeting someone we think God could never use, we should think again.

After all, Jesus says to the religious elite who looked down on everybody else: "The tax collectors and prostitutes are entering the Kingdom ahead of you." And we wonder what got him killed?

I have a friend in the UK who talks about "dirty theology" — that we have a God who is always using dirt to bring life and healing and redemption, a God who shows up in the most unlikely and scandalous ways. After all, the whole story begins with God reaching down from heaven, picking up some dirt, and breathing life into it. At one point, Jesus takes some mud, spits in it, and wipes it on a blind man's eyes to heal him. (The priests and producers of anointing oil were not happy that day.)

In fact, the entire story of Jesus is about a God who did not just want to stay "out there" but who moves into the neighborhood, a neighborhood where folks said, "Nothing good could come." It is this Jesus who was accused of being a glutton and drunkard and rabble-rouser for hanging out with all of society's rejects, and who died on the imperial cross of Rome reserved for bandits and failed messiahs. This is why the triumph over the cross was a triumph over everything ugly we do to ourselves and to others. It is the final promise that love wins.

It is this Jesus who was born in a stank manger in the middle of a genocide. That is the God that we are just as likely to find in the streets as in the sanctuary, who can redeem revolutionaries and tax collectors, the oppressed and the oppressors... a God who is saving some of us from the ghettos of poverty, and some of us from the ghettos of wealth.

In closing, to those who have closed the door on religion — I was recently asked by a non-Christian friend if I thought he was going to hell. I said, "I hope not. It will be hard to enjoy heaven without you." If those of us who believe in God do not believe God's grace is big enough to save the whole world... well, we should at least pray that it is.

Your brother,

Shane

I haven't forgotten about you and I'm still excited to be a part of your anthology. I'm just a busy grad student, so please forgive me. 2 more weeks until the end of the semester! Maybe I'll see you then?

Love,

Me

It's not over... yet. But I do have someone new in my life. Someone that fulfills my needs and wants at this moment in time. Don't you worry, we can still have our flings. We're just not exclusive anymore.

Thanks for everything. You've been great. Really.

Love,

Me

 Blah. Being sick SUCKS.
Having to write looooong papers while being sick sucks even more.
And yet, I remember saying once upon a time that I loved grad school.
Oh, how silly and naive I was back then. You know, a whole month ago.
Actually, I still love it. It's just a little more of a complicated relationship now.

Also, contemplating deleting this blog. It's been fun, but I'm not really feeling it anymore. Ya know? Maybe it's time for something new. 
I feel a New Year's thing coming on.
Maybe?

 I was thinking last night about passion. 

I have been using that word a lot in the past few months. Passion for this, passionate about that.... it's a pretty word. And a scary word. And I'm so thankful that I have it driving me. Without passion - and coffee, which I am pretty sure was God's gift to grad students - I'm not sure how I would be doing all of this. 

School stuff aside, I was also thinking about my relationship and how different it is from four years ago. So much has changed, and yet I am still in love with the same person. 

We were actually talking about what it was like when we couldn't get enough of each other - when it literally hurt to be away from each other - and how we used to say that we could never go to Vegas because we wouldn't be able to stop ourselves from just getting married. And we would joke about it and laugh about it, but deep down I know we really meant it. It's hard to remember what it was like to actually feel that way, the way that love feels at 18 and 19. I remember it, no doubt, but it's hard to actually remember what it felt like to feel that way. 

And the more I thought about that - the what it used to be and the back thens - the more thankful I became for now. Because even though we don't have that ridiculous, beginning of the relationship honeymoon feeling all the time anymore, I know that he'll be there for whatever happens. And I know that he still makes me laugh the hardest, smile the biggest, and feel the most amazing. When I think about my life without him, I don't like it, but I don't panic either. I've learned who I am and how to stand on my own two feet - which I honestly think is the best thing I have ever done for our relationship. There were times when I didn't know who I was, where I ended or where he began. Those were confusing, messy times and we have the scars to prove it. 

I've learned how to actually be the other half of this relationship, to stand on my own, and to appreciate who he is when he is simply standing next to me. I've learned how to communicate, to stand up for myself, to have a civil argument, to apologize, to connect, to let in, to breathe, to soothe, to comfort, to laugh, to explain, to feel, to.... just be. I think the most important thing I've learned is how to love. I've learned to love myself not for just what I have to offer another person, but for who I am. I've learned to love another person, in all his imperfect wonderfulness, annoying habits, incessant sports-watching, workaholic glory. I've learned when to give and when to take, and how to really, truly forgive someone. I've learned what honest forgiveness feels like, and how it can take a lot of work. 

And I've learned about a new kind of passion. A deep, steady, heavy-duty passion that led me to my best friend.

Rainer Maria Rilke said, Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart.  I love that quote, those words, that idea. Maybe I love it because its something I am not very good at. A beautiful concept to stare at on the wall, like a famous painting. Something you only see in movies, but would never happen in your own life. 

I am so in love with everything lately. Maybe that's actually a problem. Who would have thought that being so in love with everything would ever be a problem? I guess if it's a problem its a pretty good one to have... but it can make things complicated. Like when you are so in love with what you are learning and how passionate you are about helping children... until you get your first few cases and you feel like someone punched you in the stomach when you read over everything. Suddenly, everything you love has BIG problems. Like, bigger than anything little ol' you knows how to "fix". And maybe you know deep down in your heart that you are not responsible, nor capable, of "fixing" anyone - but you still feel responsible. You still feel like you want to reach into these kid's worlds and pluck them out, even if thats not the best thing for them; even if its only because it will make YOU feel better. 

And so as soon as I climbed into my car today, the stress exploded into furious little tears. Mountains of sobs and feelings of helplessness and inadequateness fell to the floor with an audible crash. Not one ounce of patience for the many unsolved things flittering around in my heart.

Eventually, as it usually happens, the good people in my life come swimming toward me with a buoy and we eventually make it to that place where it's okay to not be okay with everything. Where its okay to be scared and feel responsible without really being responsible and its just okay to NOT be okay. Where its okay to be patient with the things that don't feel like they have any time, and to just take a deep breath - or five - and remember that I am not the Healer. Sometimes I think I want to be the healer, but then days like today put me in my place and remind me, ever so gracefully, that I am just an instrument. And what's more, I am a STUDENT instrument. We're calling them "interns" these days and not "instruments" but I like to think its pretty much the same thing. Counselor, therapist, developer, believer, instrument.... all of the above. Check check check check check.

Patient? Not a chance. Still learning? Every. Single. Day.

There have been some weird things going on in my life lately.

Well, not that weird, but unusual, I guess you could say. Yeah, unusual is a better word, since they are not necessarily weird but just not-of-the-usual.

So I was pretty psyched a few weeks ago because LiveJournal notified me that one of my entries was selected for the anthology they are releasing in honor of their 10th anniversary. Actually, they told me this quite a few months ago and then I didn't hear anything for a looooooong time, so I thought that maybe they were lying or "punking" me or something - like maybe Ashton Kutcher was going to pop up on my computer screen and make me feel silly for believing that one of my journal entries was selected for something like this. So I didn't really tell anyone, save my mom whom I tell everything to, and went on with my life. So then about a month ago I got another email from them, saying something like "Yay! Your entry is officially in the book... blah, blah, blah... and here's a $20 gift card for LJ." Which I have to say I was pretty stoked about because my paid account expired a few months ago and now that I'm a broke grad student I didn't really feel like I could fork out the $20 to NOT have ads on my account for the next year. So this was great, no more ads on my now paid account.

UNTIL.... LiveJournal made the announcement that now you can make money through some kind of google ad account. By letting them post ads on your account, somehow you earn money. I don't know, I don't really get it, but seeing as how I am a broke grad student, I decided to sign up.

And that is why there are embarrassing ads for VALTREX all over my account. Apparently when you sign up for this ad thing you don't have any control over what kind of ads are on your account. Or if you do, I haven't figured it out yet. Like I said, I don't really get it. I am supposed to get a check every month in the mail though, so if I get a check for like 0.13 cents or something next month, I will take the VALTREX ads down. Just so you know, I do not endorse VALTREX, even though it apparently looks like it.

Long story short - I have a paid account (which was free) and I sitll have ads on my account (which are somehow supposed to be making me money).

Okay, maybe life has been a little weird lately.

I am going to be a social worker.

I've known that for a few months now, assuming I finished the program and all of that. But what I know now - after three weeks of classes, ridiculously interesting textbooks, wonderful professors and an awesome cohort - is that I am supposed to be a social worker.

I cried in class the other day because one of the videos we watched was so moving. I look forward to Monday because it means I get to go to my internship again and learn about how to help kids in various stages of crisis. I carry at least one of my textbooks with me everywhere I go because 1) I have TONS of reading to do each week, and 2) I think they are all incredibly fascinating. I have never used a highlighter so much in my life, and that is saying a lot.

Class discussions are one of the highlights of my day. I'm already addicted to coffee and I'm okay with that. I just wrote my first grad school paper and I enjoyed writing it.

I don't think I could love this program, or this profession, any more.

I know it won't always feel like this. I know I won't always enjoy writing papers, especially ones heavy on the research. I won't always look forward to Mondays. But right now, I do. And I am trying to savor these moments. I have two more years ahead of me - there will be plenty of time later to be a stressed out, frazzled coffee junkie. Right now I am just thankful. Again, ever so thankful.

The perfect california weather doesn't hurt anything either.

I can't tell you how thankful I am for everything in my life lately. I have so much gratitude for even the simplest things. Having a car. Being close to my family. The small distance and expanse of freeway that separates me from him. My school. The weather. The pool in my backyard. This amazing house. Friendly faces. Best friends. Books. Even a few of my textbooks.

In being thankful for this part of my life, this here and now, I am really able to embrace and be thankful for last year. It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done - in fact, it may have been the hardest - but it brought me here, with a whole new world of knowledge, experience, and passion. It is because of last year that I get to be here now with my car and the weather and my family. And I am SO thankful.

I am more in love with my life than I think I have ever been, and more thankful than I even know how to say.

1. My professors picked out some AWESOME books for this semester.
2. I am pretty sure that Henry Nouwen was the original Donald Miller and Life of the Beloved is the original Blue Like Jazz.

I should write. I want to write. I really want to write. I have stuff to say.

Really, I do.

Kinda.

Well, I have stuff to write, I guess. I don't know if I would say it, but I know I would write it. And so I should.

It's just that it's only 2 days into grad school and I am finding myself running out of time in the day.

Good grief. What have I gotten myself into?







I think I picked the right program. I kinda love it.

It's weird, this whole "packing" thing. Weird because... it's just plain weird, and also kind of annoying. Just when I think I am starting to make progress I look around the room at how much stuff is left and I get overwhelmed again. I mean, how much stuff can one person, who makes $100 a month, actually accumulate over the course of a year? Apparently, quite a lot.

If I could afford to, I would just leave everything here (with the exception of a few sentimentals) and buy all new stuff on the west coast. It would be so much easier, not to mention WAY more fun.

Someone asked me last night, "So, what are you doing next year?" This has been thee question of the year among LVC members and I've gotten used to answering it. Although it did hit me that now the question should be "So, what are you doing in ten days?" since the future everyone has been talking about for so long is practically here.

Again I say, "WEIRD".

Reason four-hundred and fifty eight why I LOVE Goodreads: I just won a free book in their giveaways. I've been entering the raffles for awhile now, but SO many people enter that I thought there was no way I would win.

Well, I did.

Looks like Goodreads loves me back.

Reason four-hundred and fifty seven why I LOVE GoodReads: Donald Miller AND Rob Bell both have new books coming out. And I would have never known, otherwise.

Unless they tweeted about it. You know, because I am, er, following them. And let me tell you what, Rob Bell doesn't tweet all that often. He's probably too busy being the super coolest person in the universe. And Donald Miller just tweets a lot of pictures, mostly of his dog.

So yeah, Goodreads wins again.

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions.

Pick Your Artist: Sarah McLachlan (obviously...)

Are you a male or female: Mary

Describe Yourself: Fumbling Towards Ecstasy

How do you feel: Drawn To The Rhythm

Describe where you currently live: As The End Draws Near

If you could go anywhere where would you go? Elsewhere

Your Favorite Form of Transportation? Drifting

Your Best Friend is: Full Of Grace

You and your best friends are: Building a Mystery

What's the weather like: World on Fire

Favorite Time of Day: Prayer of Saint Francis

If your life was a tv show, what would it be called: Answer

What is life to you: Sweet Surrender

Your last relationship: The Path of Thorns

Your fear: Sad Clown

What is the best advice you have to give: Hold On

Thought for the day: I Will Remember You

How I would like to die: Dear God

My soul's present condition: I Love You

My motto: Wear Your Love Like Heaven

Life is short. July is hot. No time for regrets.

Since the heat has been pretty unbearable (as expected) I've come up with a few ways to survive the east coast summer, which I will only need for exactly 19 more days. Yes, it's true - only 19 more days! Can you even believe that? It's official, I've almost survived an entire year in DC - and my thoughts and feelings on that belong in an entirely separate entry.

Things I've loved this summer:

1. 500 Days of Summer. Go see it; I can't remember the last time I enjoyed a movie as much as this one.

2. Google Reader. I signed up for this awhile ago, but just recently actually started using it. What a perfect way to spend a few hours of every hot afternoon.

3. I am really going to miss reading the DCist everyday. Good thing there is an LAist, too. And let's be honest, I'll probably still read the DCist once I move.

4. Twitter. Okay, so I admit that when I first got an account I felt really stupid. And I hardly ever used it. Until I found out - a few days ago - that people like Donald Miller and Rob Bell have twitter accounts. Totally makes the whole thing worth it.

5. "The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner's Semester and America's Holiest University" by Kevin Roose. Not just the best book I've read this summer, but one of the best books I've read all year. Hysterically funny AND heartwarming. I kinda have a crush on Kevin Roose. (He also has a twitter account, so I'm stalking following him too.)

6. Hulu.com Okay so I'm not new to hulu, but the importance of TV watching because even more important in the summer when it's too hot to move, and TV online is especially crucial when you only get about 7 channels on your TV, and 6 of them are ones you've never heard of before. Although, I would like to say that the Worship channel we get does have some decent comedians on once and awhile. Who knew that 1) there was a worship channel, and 2) they host "Kleen Komedians" - am I the only one who doesn't understand the K thing? Is that supposed to be, like, the Kristian thing to do or something?

7. The Anti- Real World DC website (www.antirealworld.com) Yes, the new real world has recently started filming in DC. Right before I am about to move. I have 19 more days to make it over there and see the house in person. It's on my To-Do list.

8. Fans. Have I ever mentioned that we don't have air conditioning in our house? Well, we don't. I have never appreciated fans more in my life. In fact, I think you could even say that I am a fan of fans.

9. The Library.  I am a total convert. I have never been a big fan of library books, because I like highlighting the books I read. Also, it never seemed like I could find the books I wanted. Well, apparently the library has been living in the 21st century (unbeknownst to me) and you can create an online account, request the books you want, and head over to pick them up when you get an email telling you they are ready. Easiest thing I've ever done - and it's totally free. The Library rocks my socks.

10. Goodreads.com  What a good idea. Not only can I keep track of the books I've read, but also the books I WANT to read, and the books my friends are reading. I LOVE this website.

11. The JCC. Sometimes referred to as "The J", but officially known as The Jewish Community Center. For volunteering there for 3 hours a week, I get a FREE gym membership (valued at $89/month), which comes with air conditioning AND cable TV on the ellipticals. Also, I get to work out.

My college roommate was killed in a car accident on Sunday morning.

Killed, as in dead.

I can't seem to get that through my head. Although, I'm not sure anything can make it's way to my head, because everything seems to be caught in my throat - words, tears, air. I only found out a few moments ago, on my way home from my volunteer shift at the JCC. I talked to one of my other college roommates for a few minutes, told her I loved her, and ran home to strip off everything and hide in the shower. I think I was trying to burn the numbing sensation that's been rippling over my skin away with the hot water.

I feel like I've been punched in the gut.
I feel like I've been an ungrateful human being.
I feel like I've been complaining too much and too often about how things aren't going the way I want them to go.
I feel like I should be crying more, but everything is caught.
I feel like I need to tell all of my friends and family how very much I love them and appreciate them and how I will be very, very mad at them if they ever die.
I feel like this is so unfair.

We shared a room for a semester, and then she decided to transfer back to CSULB, leaving us with Katie in her place. She gave us Katie. If it were not for her, I would have never met my Australian sister.

The last time I saw her was at Amanda's wedding in September. She hugged me and told me how good it was to see me and I remember introducing her to Kevin. We talked a little bit throughout the night, but I was so busy with being a bridesmaid that our interaction wasn't more than that.

Man, isn't that always how these things go? Especially when someone dies at the age of 24. You think back to all the stupid fights you had about the TV or the party you were going to, but all you really remember are the times you stayed up watching FRIENDS until 3 am. Or the time you went to the river and spent all day in her dad's boat with your three best friends and boyfriend. Or you think about the countless trips to get frozen yougurt, particularly on the hot, sticky nights. Or you can't help but laugh about the time you were told about the two of them going on a "liquid diet" only to walk into the condo a few hours later and find them putting ice cream into the blender.



And then all you can do is cry.

I want to have family reunions.

You know how some people have families where once a year - or every other year, or even every five years - they all fly or drive to the same place and just enjoy being together, celebrating their familyness? Generations of people coming together to take pictures and tell stories and eat food. Yeah, I never had that. I think the closest thing my family ever had to a family reunion was the party for my Grandparent's 50th Wedding Anniversary. That was kinda like a family reunion, except we didn't make it a habit. We barely made it out alive, as I recall, so that's probably why.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my family. Well, most of them. Okay, well that's not exactly true, but I love most of the ones I actually know.

You see, my Dad isn't very close with a lot of his family - for reasons that are COMPLETELY understandable, if you ask me. I was close with his sister, my Aunt Nancy, but she passed away five years ago - and with her, she took the last reason for us to all get together during the holidays. Really, she was the glue that kinda held them all together. Reaver family get-togethers were really more work than fun, so other than missing her, nobody really cared all that much that we didn't do them anymore. And outside of my Dad's immediate family, I don't really know any of my other relatives on his side.

My mom only has one brother (as opposed to my Dad's four siblings) and he and his wife, my Uncle Jim and Aunt Judy, don't have kids, leaving my brother and I as the only grand kids on her side of the family. Similarly, I don't really know any of my cousins - probably because most of my Mom's family still lives in Oregon.

So while we have small family get-togethers for Christmas, I don't count those as family reunions. Although I probably should, since they involve almost all of the family I know.

But when I say I want to have family reunions, I mean 1) someday, in the future and 2) with generations and generations of family. Which is kind of a depressing wish, since this means that I will be the OLD generation by the time this particular wish can become a reality.

On second thought, maybe I'll just crash a good friend's family reunion or something.

All right, I'll admit it.

I've been avoiding my journal. And I'm not exactly sure as to why. There have been plenty of things that have happened where I've thought "I need to record this." And then as soon as I open up a new post, I don't have the words. So I've fallen into the habit of just pushing everything to the back of my brain and letting it ferment there. Slowly these events lose their vividness, and I'm left with regret that I didn't document them when I had the chance.

I don't know what the hesitation is that I feel. I think it has something to do with the fact that this year really is almost over. And I have SUCH mixed feelings about that, I can't even tell you. Here I have been counting down the days until my return to California since NOVEMBER, and now that there is less than a month left, I can't get rid of this nagging feeling that the thing I've been longing for for so long is going to be more painful than I thought. I've created a life here, whether I originally thought I would or wanted to, and no matter which way you look at it, removing yourself from the life you've come to known is always going to be somewhat of a task. Another transition. Another process. And while I could not be more excited for the life and adventure of grad school that awaits me in the coming months, change always makes me a little nervous.

Life in DC, and LVC and at WEAVE, has not always been easy, but I've managed to make it work for me. I was reading through a lot of my old entries from this past year, and I was stuck by how unhappy I seemed. Which, if you have been following along, probably doesn't strike you in any particular way as it does me, but that's because its what I've always conveyed within the walls of this journal. It is in no way the extent of my experience. As always, I turned to writing as a means of working through the tough parts of this year, and it was a great help, but I'm sad that I wasn't more diligent in recording the wonderful parts of this year. I did that to some extent, but mostly about the wonderful experiences of my job, and less about the challenges and rewards of living in a particularly diverse community.

At our wonderfully relaxing end-of-the-year LVC retreat this past weekend, we were asked to sit as a community and speak about what we appreciate about our housemates. I was amazed and humbled to hear all the wonderful things my housemates had to say about me, especially the fact that they all commented on my laugh and how much they enjoyed it. What a cool compliment! I was also thankful for the opportunity to speak about all of the things that I appreciate about them. It was an exercise that I am incredibly thankful to get to have done, and I see how important it is to tell those that we love that not only do we appreciate them, but the reasons why. It is incredibly affirming, both for the speaker and the listener. I've already started to continue this practice with other important people in my life.

Although I am covered in bug bites and had to ward off small armies of spiders in our tent more than once, our beach retreat was just what I needed. Not to mention that I got to cross off another thing on my must-do-before-I-die list: watch the sunRISE on the beach. As a lifelong west-coast dweller, this has never been an option for me. Deleware's beautiful east-coast beach provided the perfect setting, complete with numerous dolphin sightings. It was awesome.

Books I've read lately that I'd recommend:

+ "A Little Bit Wicked: Life, Love, and Faith in Stages" by Kristin Chenoweth. I was seriously impressed with this woman - her perspective on faith was particularly refreshing and inspiring. Of course, I'm always thankful to find strong examples of Christian Democrats. The fact that I loved Wicked didn't hurt either. I can honestly say that I am now an even bigger fan of hers.

+ "Someday My Prince Will Come: True Adventures of a Wannabe Princess" by Jerramy Fine. I have to admit that I thought this was going to be a fun, fiction read. Imagine my surprise to learn that this is actually a memoir. Yes, Jerramy is a woman and YES, she really wants to be a princess. You have to laugh at her strange obsession, and marvel at the way she's pursued this all her life. It was a fairly quick read, and while I can't imagine that SOME of the events weren't embellished, I really liked it.

+ "The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger. This is one of those books that's been on my To Read list for quite awhile, as it's been recommended to me several times, but it always sounded too strange for my taste; too science fiction. And when I finally caved and checked it out from the library, I read a few chapters and was not impressed. I didn't even want to finish it. I stuck with it because other people on GoodReads said the same thing, but they ended up liking it. I ended up LOVING it. What a refreshing book. I have to admit that it is a bit confusing, as it jumps around all over the place (he IS a time traveler, after all) but if you can let go of your need to perfectly understand where he is in time, you will enjoy it more. I was crying be the end, partially because it was heartbreakingly beautiful and sad, and partially, I think, because I didn't want it to be over. When I first started reading it I could hardly believe it was 500+ pages. By the time it was over, I couldn't believe it went by so fast.

I've been enjoying the summer months in DC immensely, despite the overwhelming humidity and constant threat of itchy bug bites. Heat and humidity are most definitely preferred over the harsh, below freezing temperatures of winter. MUCH PREFERRED. Not to mention that the heat forces me to wear my hair in a ponytail every single day, without fail, but it saves me time getting ready in the morning. So I think the trade off is okay, but I wont mind having more hairstyle options in a month.

I've been awake since 3:30 this morning, thanks to a debilitating headache that I was hoping to be able to "sleep off" but that woke me up withering in pain. I gave in and took excedrin, fully knowing that the caffeine in those miracle-working pills would keep me up. I am now wide-awake but blissfully pain-free. Which is a welcome feeling, after suffering from that headache all day yesterday. I'll just take a nap later, hopefully.